Yesterday, under heavy pressure from the SMA (Smartphone Manufacturers' Association), the House passed a bill that protects carriers from having to turn over any records that may help establish whether an accident was caused by texting. It is the latest in a series of recent victories for the well-heeled SMA, which include:
- Extending the freedom to text while driving to sending email, arranging your calendar, watching videos, and playing games (including driving games);
- Allowing repeat offenders, even those who have caused fatalities, to continue to purchase and use all the mobile devices they want;
- Enabling those with a suspended license to drive as long as they have bought and installed a driving app; and,
- Clearing the way for drivers to have a big-screen TV mounted on their dashboard.
"It's simply a matter of protecting the First Amendment rights of our citizens" said Kevin Elpablo, the head of the SMA. "Texting and driving doesn't kill people", he added. "It's the people texting and driving that kill people. Mostly themselves, actually."
Senator Ted Cruz chimed in: "If I can't update my blog while cutting across lanes in my Escalade, then there's no such thing as freedom of speech. The next thing you know, the government will be confiscating everyone's cell phones and we'll have to go back to writing letters by candlelight. That is not what the people of this great country want." He appeared to confer with Mr Elpablo briefly, and then added: "First Amendment. Freedom."
When asked to comment on the recent tragedy where a schoolbus driver who was playing Angry Birds drove the bus straight off a cliff, killing himself and the twenty-two children aboard, Mr Elpablo praised the children as "brave souls" for helping teach us "how great our freedoms are". He also suggested a program where it becomes mandatory for every child on a bus to buy an extra smartphone to help the driver out with their texting, game-playing, and inbox management.
